Relationships generally begin when both people are in the “Alone
Stage,” although I am aware that often affairs begin when one or both
partners are involved with someone else. It is my contention that
relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties have
spent some time alone and unconnected with a lover.
What does a person do with this time alone? If you are interested in
creating the relationship you deserve, then you must become the best
person you can be. Each successive relationship we engage in provides
us with lessons and information we need to reflect upon. If we are
attracting the “wrong” people into our lives, then perhaps it is
because we are not the person we need to be in order to create a
relationship with the person of our dreams.
This also means that each “wrong” person we attract into our lives is
exactly the right person we need to teach us the lesson we need to master
to move closer to the person we truly want. This is why I never look
back at any relationships I have had with regret. Maybe not in the
moment, but over time, I have come to understand that I learned
valuable lessons in each of my past relationships and I grew, which
then helped me become a better person.
Whenever we find ourselves in between relationships, it is not a time
to longingly wish for the next partner to arrive. It is not the time to
go out “prowling” for the next person to make you complete. The time
between relationships is a very important healing time. It is a time to
look back on the past relationship to discover what that person was
there to teach you about life, love and yourself. It’s a time of
introspection to determine who you want to be in a relationship. I’m
not talking about playing roles but I am talking about a genuine
transformation of yourself into the person who deserves the
relationship you seek.
No one dreams their entire life about meeting a mediocre partner—someone who thinks of them sometimes, who loves them a little and takes care of some
of their needs. No one looks to get involved in relationships with
people who lie, cheat and disrespect them. No one asks for verbal or
physical abuse in a relationship. So how can we break the pattern of
choosing the same type of person over and over again? I believe the key
is to look at each relationship as the perfect relationship you needed
at that point in time and then go about attempting to figure out what
it was about the person that made him or her perfect for you during
that period in your life.
Once you figure this
out, you will have learned a valuable lesson. If you take that lesson
and put it to use in your life, then you have one half of the equation.
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