Love & Respect
by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
I found this book to be on par with John Gray’s Men are From Mars; Women are from Venus
book. Dr. Eggerichs discusses the differences between men and women and
how each needs to be more in touch with what the other one needs. When
men attempt to treat their wives as they would want to be treated, they
inevitably end up doing the “wrong” thing and when women attempt to
love their husband as they want to be loved, they also do the “wrong”
thing. If you are a Christian, you will be pleased that Dr. Eggerichs
bases his book on Biblical scriptures. If you do not consider yourself
a religious person, I don’t believe the scripture verses take anything
away from the message.
Dr. Eggerichs mainly focuses on the woman’s need for
love and the man’s corresponding need for respect. He says that there
is a “Crazy Cycle” where when men feel disrespected, they withdraw
their love from the relationship and when women feel unloved, they
withdraw their respect from the relationship. In relationships where
this cycle has been raging, it is difficult to find someone willing to
break the cycle because he or she finds it hard to believe that if the
husband is more loving toward his wife, she will respond with less
criticism and more respect. Similarly, if the wife is more respectful
toward her husband, he will respond with more loving behavior.
Dr. Eggerichs calls this the “Energizing Cycle” and he
supports it with very specific behaviors each gender must use. He says
women need C-O-U-P-L-E, while husbands need C-H-A-I-R-S. Yes, these are
acronyms for spelling love to the wife and respect to the husband. All
of what he says appears to be in line with what I believe is true of
the majority of men and women in relationships.
The final section of his book is more for Christians as
he describes the “Rewarded Cycle.” This is where he instructs couples
that their reward for loving their wives and respecting their husbands
is in heaven and a person really does it to serve God.
As a highly spiritual but non-religious person, I found
the book to be very helpful and I think it is a great book for both men
and women who are looking for some common sense ideas about improving
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