Fighting with or attempting to control through
restriction or other means is usually ineffective and it costs you,
your child and your relationship.
In a previous post, I spoke of the child who wants more computer time and the
mother who is attempting to keep her daughter safe and healthy. Neither
of them was wrong—whose needs should be most important? Some will says
the child’s, some will say the parent’s but I say neither one. Both
individual’s needs are equally important.
parents decide that their needs are more important than their child’s,
they damage their child’s self-esteem and often create a situation
where the child is still driven to get her needs met by frequently
choosing a less desirable way. If the parent decides the child’s needs
are more important, that runs the risk of creating a self-indulgent
How do we strike a balance? By
creating a win/win solution. Parents need to really listen to their
child and what need they are attempting to meet. Then they must clearly
communicate their own needs, concerns and worries to their child.
Together they work toward creating a situation where both parties can
equally have their needs met.
To learn more about negotiating win/win outcomes, check out our Empowerment Parenting Home Study Course.